Today we’re going to talk about how to deal with situations when your experience doesn’t live up to your expectations. Let me begin by telling you a little story about what I experienced one day. Laura and I went with some friends down to Universal Studios in Orlando. I love Universal Studios, but I hate roller coasters. I enjoy the sights and sounds, but I cannot deal with the heights and drops that you experience on the rides. Well, this time there was a ride I had never been on and I allowed everyone to talk me into getting on it. As we were walking towards it, they kept telling me that this ride was really tame and wasn’t a rollercoaster at all. I thought, well, they know all about rides because they love them...and I trust these people, so I should be fine. Now here’s the problem. All along the line we waited in there were warning signs: One said “this is a fast moving ride, if you are pregnant you should not ride.” Another said, “if you are prone to motion sickness, you should not ride”. Every time we passed one of these signs, I questioned Laura and our friends... and each time I was assured that those were just being over cautious and that I would be just fine. So I got on the ride and about 30 seconds into it, the only thing I can clearly remember is turning to Laura and yelling “What part of this isn’t a rollercoaster?” We finally came to a stop and I was grateful to be alive. Then it started going backwards and we did
it all over again in reverse. At that point, it made me rethink my life choices. When I finally got off that thing, I was more than a little upset. Mostly at myself for not believing the signs that clearly warned me what I was getting into. There was also some internal conflict as I pondered how my trust had been wrongly placed with coaster enthusiasts. Needless to say, the next 20 minutes weren’t as much fun. Anyway, through the conflict that day I learned a valuable lesson about expectations vs experiences. All conflict is the result of unmet expectations. Think about that. Anytime conflict arrises it’s because some situation didn’t go as someone expected. When you think a person should do one thing, but they do another there is the potential for conflict. Now sometimes, your expectations aren’t met because they are unreasonable. You may expect me as the pastor to have all the answers and be the perfect christian, but guess what? I’m not perfect and I don’t have all the answers. I don’t get it right every time. That doesn’t mean I’m not trying, I am. I am a big picture person, so if you expect me to be involved in the details of a project or ministry, your expectations will not be met. You may think that Laura as a pastors wife should be the perfect spiritual leader for the women here at FUEL. But she does not like to lead. It’s not her gift. She is a detail person and if you expect her to have a big picture vision for our direction, your expectations will not be met.
What we do with our unmet expectations is the big question. If we allow ourselves to be offended by them, we will quickly be led down the wrong path. Remember, just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right. When was the last time you were offended? What caused it? Was a family member involved? A lot of times we get easily offended at family members because we expect much more of them than we do a stranger. Jesus had to deal with people being offended all the time. He understood what offense could do to a person, so when He saw the potential for a situation to turn offensive He called it out. Even in His own family. Matthew 11:2-6 “2 Now when John, while imprisoned, heard of the works of Christ, he sent word by his disciples 3 and said to Him, “Are You the Expected One, or shall we look for someone else?” 4 Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: 5 the blind receive sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. 6 And blessed is he who does not take offense at Me.” That all sounds normal on the surface. John was just asking if Jesus was THE ONE they were looking for or if it was someone else...right? But hang on for a second, something does not seem right here. Let’s look at the context for this conversation. John the baptist was the cousin of Jesus and he knew that Jesus was the Son of God. When John started his ministry, it was to announce the arrival of the Messiah, Jesus. Jesus came to John to be baptized
and at first John refused, saying that Jesus should baptize him. John clearly knew that Jesus was The Messiah. So why would he send some of his disciples to ask Jesus if He was the Expected One, or should they look for another? And what was Jesus talking about in verse 6 when He mentions not being offended? That seems random and totally unrelated to the topic at hand...or was it? Let’s read another passage so we can understand more of what was going on. Matthew 14 “14 At that time Herod the tetrarch heard the news about Jesus, 2 and said to his servants, “This is John the Baptist; he has risen from the dead, and that is why miraculous powers are at work in him.” 3 For when Herod had John arrested, he bound him and put him in prison because of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip. 4 For John had been saying to him, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” 5 Although Herod wanted to put him to death, he feared the crowd, because they regarded John as a prophet.” John was in prison from then until Herod’s birthday, when he was beheaded. I don’t know how long that was, but it was long enough for him to wonder why Jesus Haden’t used His power to intervene in his situation. After all, John’s ministry was there to setup the arrival of Jesus. You would think that Jesus would be grateful enough to help His cousin out of a problem...but there John was, still in prison. Let’s read the verses again with that understanding. Matthew 11:2-6 “2 Now when John, while imprisoned, heard of the works of Christ, he sent word by his disciples 3 and said to
Him, “Are You the Expected One, or shall we look for someone else?” 4 Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: 5 the blind receive sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. 6 And blessed is he who does not take offense at Me.” I believe there was an undertone to John’s question. He was upset that Jesus was out doing miracles for other people while he sat rotting away in prison. John expected Jesus to rescue him from prison, because he had been preaching about the coming of Jesus, and ended up in jail for calling out Herod’s sin...and he’d been there a while. But Jesus didn’t come running to fix his problem, and He recognized that John could have been offended. Jesus then begins to talk to the people about who John is. Matthew11:7-11 “7 As these men were going away, Jesus began to speak to the crowds about John, “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? 8 But what did you go out to see? A man dressed in soft clothing? Those who wear soft clothing are in kings’ palaces! 9 But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and one who is more than a prophet. 10 This is the one about whom it is written, ‘Behold, I send My messenger ahead of You, Who will prepare Your way before You.’ 11 Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen anyone greater than John the Baptist! Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.”
As you can see from what Jesus said about him, John was kind of a big deal and yet he was still subject to being offended. John’s experience with Jesus was different than his expectation. John wanted out of prison, but his work of announcing the arrival of Jesus and the Kingdom was now over and God was about to bring him home. So which would have been better for him, to be released from prison and go back to his life in the wilderness, or to graduate to heaven? Obviously in the big picture, it was better for John to stay in prison for that time. Have you ever been tempted to be offended at God for not intervening in your situation? I have. It was during a time when Laura and I were going through a tough financial season with our business. So I went to a pastor friend that I trusted to ask his thoughts. We talked for a while and then he prayed over us. During his prayer, he stopped and said he felt God saying that our business payroll was not going to be a problem anymore. I can’t tell you what a relief that was. We had been losing about $50K a month, so the stress we were under was really bad. Well, we went home rejoicing that our money problems were over. But 6 months later we were still in the same mess. Was that pastor lying to us, was he completely wrong about God speaking to him? You see, in my mind the only way that God could solve our money problems was that He would send a client with a giant
bucket of money and when that didn’t happen, I was questioning why. I never asked God how He would take care of our issue, I just expected He would do it in a way I could understand, and in the timing I wanted. So, just like John the Baptist, the experience I was having with God was not matching my expectation. Eventually, things go so bad we had to let the employees go. That was a very low day. The following Monday as we were driving to the office, Laura said..”Well, we don’t have to worry about payroll anymore.” What the pastor had said was true after all. God had fixed the problem, but not in the way I thought He would. And also, just like John the Baptist, God had other plans for our future than just going back to business as usual in the wilderness. It took drastic measures for God to get my attention. I was supposed to be done with my season as a business owner and move into a season of pastoring. Is your church experience or more specifically your Jesus experience matching your expectation? Did you believe or did a preacher tell you that if you got saved that every thing in your life would be magically wonderful? Did that turn out to be true? If not, did your expectation match your experience? Was your expectation based on what God’s word says or what you wanted it to say? Let’s look at what Jesus actually says in the Bible about what our experience will be, so that we can set our expectations accordingly.
John 16:31-33 “31 Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? 32 Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. 33 These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Jesus told His disciples that while they were here on earth that they would encounter trouble. Now, He didn’t say their life would be miserable, He said they would have trouble. But then He set the expectation that they should have courage, because He has overcome the world. Our expectation should be that we will have trouble, but that we don’t have to live defeated, because He has overcome the world. Just because something is difficult doesn’t mean we can’t be victorious over it. Jesus didn’t say it would be easy, but He did say you can beat it...through His power. If we study God’s word we will know what to expect and can set our expectations correctly. That way we won’t be under the threat of conflict or offense, because our expectations will always be met. If you are in a situation that has the potential to cause you to be offended at God, could it be that maybe God knows better than you what the future holds and perhaps, you are right where you need to be at the moment. We have to just trust that when God’s timing is right, he will do what needs to be done.
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